PAPADOM'S POSITION ON WIFE BATTERY.

Wife battery is a societal problem and Papadom will not feel shy to talk about it. It is a form of domestic violence and it seems to be gaining prominence in both the so called developed and developing societies and the involvement of celebrity couples in it is not helping matters. Recall the Chris Brown and Rihanna assault saga for instance. Experts say it originates because of a craving by the perpetrator to control the victim.
This is not to say that only the male specie of humanity hold the monopoly of this kind of violence no way. Nowadays it is not uncommon for a lady to beat a man black and blue. The only difference is the case of the man as victim is grossly underreported for obvious reasons. Nonetheless, battery is battery and Papadom condemns it in its entirety. Papadom believes battery actually reduces a man rather than increase him in any way.
It is like the Headmasters in primary schools across Nigeria in the good old days often say, 'you want to show us that you are strong? Why take on a girl? If you want to display your fighting prowess, go take on a man your size or your mate'. Some men(notice such men are not referred to as Papas?) like to take out their frustrations either at work or in life out on their often dutiful and loving wives. What a shame.
More shameful is the way and manner police stations across some countries including Nigeria, brush aside reported cases of wife battery. The officers often incourage the couple to go home and settle their issues at home. Unfortunately this kind of neglect has led to the untimely death of one too many battered victim.
Papadom believes in stiffer penalties all over the world for perpetrators and a concerted effort from the legislative arm of governance in enacting and ensuring the enforcement of laws making battery unattractive to the animals amongst us who would rather talk with their fists than engage in the civilized option of resolving conflicts through jaw jawing.

SHOULD I ALLOW HER GET A HIGHER EDUCATION?

'What is she going to do with a higher education anyway?' blurted laz, 'I give her every thing, its not as if she desperately needs a job to make ends meet?' laz by the way is a young man I just met in the pub about an hour ago. After exchanging pleasantries and a couple of drinks I think I succeeded in earning his confidence, enough to warrant this admition of spousal conflict.
'So what do you have against her desire to pursue a higher education? 'I enquired. Laz seemed like a reasonable Guy, I wanted to see his point of view Ernestly.' I just don't want my wife to end up at the mercy of some randy lecturer '. I suddenly knew what laz was worried about. It is obvious that in spite of his comfortable status financially, he seemed to be struggling with marital insecurity.' I see 'was what came out of my mouth as I pondered on how to give this troubled soul some good advice (ill prepared as I was, for crying out loud I came here to take a couple of drinks - not for a counselling session?'
'But you know you won't have any iota of peace in your home if you don't allow her to go right? 'I said. Suddenly, laz's countenance brightened,' how did you know that? 'he snapped,' I have had no rest since this going to the University issue started' he added, 'Well if I were you, I will do the wise thing and let her go for her education' I stated point blank. 'Well okay' Laz started unconvinced, 'what about the randy lecturers?' he enquired.
'Are you praying for that to happen? 'I asked him,' certainly not, I love my wife 'laz stressed.' That is very obvious my friend but I think you ought to trust your wife - do you trust your wife? 'I asked,' trust? Of course I trust her.  'he started again, something told me he had not quite finished his answer, so I kept still.' I trust and love her, but you know women, you never can tell with them. '
I noded my head more out of sympathy than agreement and took a sip of my beverage.' Mr Laz', I started, your wife does not need to get it going on with some randy academic only when she gets admitted in the University, she can do it right now if she wants to. 'I stated matter of factly.
We talked for a while after then and laz insisted on paying for my drink. Naturally, I was grateful for his gesture but I was more thankful that I was at the right place at the right time, because from his gait I knew that my friend Laz, is now a happier Man who knows the right decision to make today.
I hope Papas who might be going through similar challenges in marriage will give this a thought. I personally believe a woman should be allowed to get any kind of education she desires. It will not only make her a more informed wife and mother, but also ensure the family does not suffer should the husband and bread winner - like in Laz's case, suddenly die . Let's do the intelligent thing.

ODD CHOICES SOME PAPAS MAKE.

p dir="ltr">There are times when Papas give more attention to inanimate objects in the house and this justifiably annoys other members of the house. Their grouse is usually based on the premise that they aught to get the attention not some inanimate thing. Take a brand new car just bought by Papa after months some times years of savings. We Papas tend to give that dream car our unalloyed attention and who wouldn't?
Unfortunately that innocent stance, often puts Papa on a collision course with others especially the woman of the house. I wonder how a mere washing of the car like twice or thrice a day should solicit animosity. We like keeping our toys spotless. And yes other necessities in the house can take second place to the periodic servicing of the automobile. Papas regard that as money well spent. Don't blame us try to understand us.
Another point in case is when the money budgeted for domestic expenditure is fast running out and the car is about to run out of fuel. Papas wonder why others fail to understand why we would rather for go some essentials and fuel the car. We know it sounds painful but sometimes the car ranks higher than the woman in the house. Again, don't blame us try to understand us we just love our toys.
What about times when the car develops a mechanical or electric fault? Others in the house get astounded when we loose sleep over a 'mere' car and will leave no stone unturned until our beloved toy is certified fit and motorable by our mechanic and oh how we celebrate her return back to the household more like a beloved child returning back home after a long journey. And the woman goes 'all that for a car? Well what can Papas say? Don't blame us, try to understand us. Our brand new car means a lot to us and and yes, we are not ashamed to declare - some times the car ranks higher than the woman.
If we get involved in an accident and we escape fairly unhurt, the rest of the world maybe be thankful that no life was lost. But when we meet in our Papas forum ;the first question you should expect is 'how is the car?' and when the report is not so good, we all mourn the car like a person. Don't blame us try to understand us, some times the car ranks higher than the woman.
We could spend hours on end talking about our cars ;we like to compare the model and its year of manufacture. How fast it can go could be a serious subject of debate and might even lead to an impromptu race and a bet where serious money could be won or lost, you better believe that . We compare automobile companies and their reputations. We rejoice when we succeed in convincing a Papa to sell off his car and join our chosen brand. We keep tabs on the current news and trends in the automotive industry. What can we say, we just love our cars I am sure you are beginning to see why some times our car ranks higher than the woman. Don't blame us, try to understand us.

WHEN IT'S TIME TO LET THE CHILD CHOSE.

Deep down every Papa wants his kids to emulate him and eventually inherit the family business or trade. Its like in the not so distant past, a fisherman expects his children to be fishermen and continue the family business and tradition. Same applies if the Papa is a carpenter, teacher or farmer. I guess we can trace this desire to a Papas desire to bequeath a legacy to his progenitors and by so doing ensure their financial sure footedness. After all the business they are passing on is what sustained the family, its all he knows.
Papas resist the idea of their children delving into other means of livelihood because, let's face it, Papas know hardly any thing about the 'strange' job their young one is delving into and to them, that is not right at all or is it? What parting words of advice on the job for instance is a fisherman Papa expected to offer to a child about to become an architect? Got my drift?
However, it doesn't have to be this bad to a Papa who is ready to move with the times. That kind of Papa appreciates the fact that the job market is always evolving and there are certain vocations that are appreciated today as legitimate ;that simply did not exist forty years ago. Blogging for instance. Papas who are interested in the happiness of their children do not or should I say, would not, subject them to the impractical gridlock of insisting they stay true to the family profession against their wish.
Children should also not take this new found freedom for granted. They should pursue their passion with a passion. Jumping from this job to that job will only make the recalcitrant Papa stuck in the old way only say 'I told you so'. Young people planning to chart their own way in life need to do their own research. If they want to go into a brand new area as Enterprenuers, they should figure out how they can make a living doing it. There is no glory and plenty of shame if they have to go running back to good old Papa from time to time, for handouts.
Therefore in this fast changing world, both papa and offspring, need to embrace change. A career choice should remain a choice but in making choices, this generation must as they say, look before they leap.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR CHILDREN ARE?

'DO you know where your children are?' This is a phrase made popular by Frank Olize a TV presenter on Nigeria's state TV station NTA in the nineties. This phrase I can argue is as potent and relevant in our society today as it was in the nineties. Inspite of the advancements in communication ;I mean we have it all today - email, social media, phone calls and even teleconferencing, in spite of all the communication gadgets at our disposal, the question still stares us Papas in the face - do we know where our children are? Do we have any idea what they are up to this moment?
The unfortunate truth is that we have surrendered the role of checking up on our children to surrogates. Some of us work so hard to send our children to expensive boarding institutions and that is it. Money can't buy love it is said, what is more true is the fact that money can't buy good parenting either.
We are conspicuously not there when they need us most. We are always too busy chasing money to realize the importance of sparing some time for our beloved kids. Our women aren't any better either. For most women ;independence, career, and self fulfilment resonate more than monitoring 'just children' how unfortunate.
This missing link must be responsible for the social ills that is eating up the innocence of our young ones. A clear example is the cancer of secret cults in our schools. It is said that nature abhors a vacuum, because we have abdicated our roles as role models and protectors of family values, our kids have replaced us with the false sense of family and security that their peers in cult groups offer.
Related to that is of course, the rising cases of youth violence, criminality and rape. And when the bubble finally bursts and we get summoned to the police station for a crime our child has committed or sadly, to the morgue to retrieve our child's remains, we more often than not blame it on just about everyone but ourselves.
See how a simple task of knowing where our children are can determine whether they have there names written in the hall of fame or hall of shame? We should remember that in the end we all as Papas will be called upon to give an account of the role we played in either making or marring the lives of the kids entrusted to us. Every Papa worth his salt should like to emerge squeaky clean. Let's think about it.

SPORTS RANKS HIGHER THAN THE WOMAN?

Sports is regarded as a game right? Well that is not exactly the case if you happen to be a sports loving Papa. For any sports loving Papa, sports is more than a game that is played leisurely, certainly not.
As far as sports loving Papas are concerned, sports is a drug a strong drug. It's actually an opium. Karl Max, another great Papa of blessed memory almost got it when he described religion as the opium of the masses.
In today's world, if Papa Karl Max where alive, he would have quickly identified sports as the opium of atleast all sports loving Papas. The appreciation of this fact by other members of the house is definitely the beginning of wisdom. Other members of the household, especially attention craving ones like the woman of the house ought to give sports it's desired respect. This is because some times sports ranks higher than the woman.
Enough research in my candid opinion, needs to be carried out as to why this phenomenon of valueing sports ahead of the woman persists amongst sports loving Papas. Could it be in the fact that sports doesn't nagg? I really don't know. Or could it be because matches are almost always right on schedule, plus several repeats on cable TV not to mention the telecast of highlights on several major news channels? No one can point a finger at the magic formula of sports but while we keep brooding about it, I just can't help but wonder if a woman can equal the weekly pleasure sports guarantees?
Now it doesn't matter if its the Barclay's premier league, the German Bundesliga, the Italian or Spanish la liga. It matters not if its ice hockey, wrestlemania, NBA, Wimbledon, NFL, Golf Masters, WBA or any other sporting event. The fact is that its got a hold on sports loving Papas so much so that it is now no more than an open secret, some Papas really rank sports higher than the woman. Women in that situation know too well that talking to Papa about domestic matters while he is watching his favourite game is as effective as winking in the dark.
I have heard stories of sports loving Papas who did crazy things like throw the woman down a story building or even commit murder because the ill advised woman tried to come between him and his game. That is definitely taking it to the extreme but this only confirms the fact that some times sports ranks higher than the woman.

MENTAL HEALTH AND PAPADOM TODAY

I am not sure of the exact figure but I think it is either one out of every five or six individuals have mental disorder. A medical practitioner I was speaking to the other day told me that mental disorder does not necessarily boil down to being raving mad and picking things at random on the streets. I got to understand that in today's stress rich world of ours, we all especially Papas need periodic checks of our mental state.
Little wonder, the strange things we hear of every now and then. Rape of Minors for one. Only an individual with mental illness will think of laying his hands to violate a baby. But that is not all, reckless driving in residential areas could also be a manifestation of mental ill health. I have always wondered what will make a Papa drive at speeds that only Lewis Hamilton or Sebastian Vettel muster in formula one - in a high density neighbourhood ;my suspicion has been confirmed.
Don't breath easy yet Papa, it might be too early to conclude that you are off the hook on this matter. Do you know that lack of sleep is another indicator of mental illness? How many times have Papas divulged to me the fact that they can't seem to be able to grab a decent snooze even after a hard days work? I know we recommend several remedies to each other as a way out of sleeplessness but hey, if you have tried it all and you still struggle to get a decent shut eye, then dear Papa, its time to visit a psychiatric doctor.
Kleptomania is another symptom. My medical practitioner friend explained to me. Yes the inexplicable penchant to steal and steal and steal! I figured that explains the action of many political leaders especially in developing countries in recent times. Only a Kleptomaniac will help himself to his nations resources to the extent that he will soon be richer than his nation. Crazy isn't it?
There are many other symptoms of mental illness, depression is one then there is the condition where the individual is very happy this minute then extremely sad the next minute my medical practitioner friend says its called bi polar disorder. Paranoia, which is a state of mind that thinks everyone or everything is against one is yet another . The bottom line here is, we all especially Papas should take our mental health seriously and yes, it pays to get that periodic mental examination.

WHEN THE DRINK RANKS HIGHER THAN THE WOMAN?

What is in a drink? A lot really. For starters only a good drink can assuage thirst. No wonder in many cultures the first thing giving to a guest is a cold drink. You might take this cultural gesture for granted but ask a nomad living in the desert, you will see that a drink is actually a lease of life. Okay, I believe we have established the fact that a drink is vital to our existence and part of our cultural heritage. Let's get to the nitty - gritty.
Papadom went to a pub recently and got some disturbing revelations from some Papas who were enjoying their drinks. First of all the fact should be made here and now that this was no teetotellars pub every one was indulging in one alcoholic drink or the other, it was either beer, brandy, whisky or wine. It was a merry atmosphere until a Papa that we initially thought had had a drink too much declared 'my drink is more loyal than my woman I tell you', just as we were letting it all soak in, another Papa retorted 'you are spot- on on that Pal,' he started, 'my drink is always there for me, she never nags', that statement elicited a unanimous head nodd across the pub. 'my drink never tells me no, no headaches or fever and most importantly, I can open her up when ever I need to'.
To our utmost surprise that weird piece of oratory got a round of applause and several glasses clinked in unison. Does that imply that some Papas really rate there drinks higher than their women, we thought? Or was it that the booze got the better of them? Papadom is as bewildered today as it was that merry day.

The shameful trade in Albinos and hunchbacks.

I am of the position that Papas world wide should stand up and condemn the utter senselessness that is going on in Africa today. I am referring to the crazy practice of hunting and killing or maiming innocent albinos in the name of a so called quest to acquire riches or power. My heart goes to the poor hapless Papas of albinos especially in parts of Africa like Tanzania. It is hard enough to cater for kids with albinism now they have to add that to watching their backs all the time in case, those cold blooded murderers are lurking in a thicket behind.
Good news coming from Tanzania says the government has started arresting the traditional medicine men who are the source of the madness in the first place. I think a law should be promulgated stipulating that anyone caught in the act of trading directly or indirectly in the body parts of any other human being ;albino or not should be given the death penalty. I think only a stiff penalty will be a deterrent to get rich or power quick, individuals.
Tanzania is not the only country grappling with this problem, Nigeria has had her own share of these death merchants. Recently there was an outcry by concerned citizens about the fact that hunchbacked people were being hunted and killed. Just like the Tanzanian case, it was all started by some witch doctor who told his gullible clientèle that in the hunchback lies great riches and power. What balderdash!
Several years ago a man called Clifford Orji was caught with a bag full of human body parts, he was paraded to the press and you can imagine how the Nigerian public received it, disbelief mixed with fear and outrage is how I will describe it. However trust the Media after a few weeks, attention turned to something else and that was all I can recall about Clifford Orji, was he prosecuted? I don't know.
African governments, NGOs, civil society organizations and religious organizations should wake up from their slumber and educate the gullible public about the vanity of wealth secured through any other means other than hard work and honesty. That is the only way our albino sons and daughters and indeed their hunchbacked peers can be guaranteed a decent life expectancy. To their Papas we say don't give up-like smallpox ;this tragedy will be a thing of the past one day soon.

Gardening and Papadom.

If I had the power, I will make gardening compulsory for every Papa. I say this because of the immense benefits of gardening both to the individual and to the society as a whole. No one should give any excuse for not getting in to it, I know that the common excuse is that of space well that is no more tenable, I have seen documentaries of people living in concrete jungles, I mean folks living in urban areas with little or no arable space somehow overcoming that disadvantage through creativity and today they are reaping the fruits literally of their gardens.
I was particularly impressed with the story of the Papa living in a high rise building in Beijing, who created a beautiful garden at the top of the high rise building and actually invites his neighbours over from time to time to cook and eat collectively from the bounty of his garden. That is one fulfilled Papa if you ask me. You get a sense of fulfilment when you put a seed in the soil and water it and see that seed sprout into a young seedling. Then as you keep tending it flowers and fruits emerge! I tell you it does a lot of good to the psyche of any Papa.
This is more true if you happen to lead a sedentary life style, where very little physical activity is done. Gardening can be a very good source of exercise, enjoy the thrills of getting your hands dirty again, just like a kid does and eat the vegetables from your backyard. That way you know where your groceries are from, that way you know you are eating organic healthy stuff. Good old gardening can do that for you.
What's more, today you can grow your vegetables in bags, plastic containers and even old discarded tyers. Gardening adds to the aesthetics of your home. Your guests will commend you not only for going green and making the planet a little more healthy and safe, you will also be amazed at the compliments you get for being 'cultured'.
On the whole it just feels good when you step into your green fruit rich garden and take a deep clean breath of pure oxygen you have created. Oh! What a wonderful feeling.
If you don't have a garden, I tell you, you are missing out of a great opportunity to have fun at home. It could also be useful for bonding within the family.
When the wify and kids join in the gardening, new experiences of family bliss is shared and just like the best things in life? This is also free. Do yourself a some good grab the rewards of gardening today while you still can.

A TALE OF TWO PAPAS

Here is a tale of two Papas, first let's identify them. Let's call the first PAPA, PAPA A and then, the second, Papa B. Okay the tale goes like this ; PAPA A has been a go getter from the word go. His childhood friends all attest to the fact that he didn't mince words in declaring to whoever cared to listen about his determination to strike gold early in life and live a life of affluence where everyone and everything will be at his beck and call.
Papa A, courted and befriended only people who would help him climb the ladder of success. After graduation from the University, he convinced a son of a wealthy business mogul to partner with him in establishing a contracting firm. Sure enough thanks to the connections of his partners father, the contracts kept on coming. Withing three years, the firm had established itself as one of the foremost in the country. Papa A wined and dined with the cream de la cream of society.
Papa A, soon made the headlines in the nations tabloids as his country's most eligible bachelor. The paparazzi went everywhere he went and were interested in who he was seeing. After two years of dating every beautiful or rich lady in the land, Papa A finally decided it was time to say bye bye to bachelorhood. So he picked one of his ex girlfriends whose father just got appointed Minister of finance in the country, apologized to her for dumping her, kissed and made up and proposed to her two weeks after.
The wedding, as should be expected, was the talk of the land. Everyone that was someone jusstled to get an invite to the celebrity wedding, and on the D day no one was disappointed. Dignitaries at the high table included no less a personality than the President of the country and his wife the first lady. Musicians from all around the world entertained.
Papa A, soon after, parted ways with his business partner and formed his own company. Thanks to his in law the Minister of finance, the company recorded profit after tax running into millions of dollars in the first year of its existence . Finally Papa A was living his dream he now literally straddles the world like a Collosus. Everything is going his way now. Everything? Well not exactly everything, there is this small palaver with his wife.
They never seem to manage a conversation without a big fight ensuing. She expects him to be there always for him and their baby. He can't understand her, he has given her everything a woman dreams of a big mansion, servants at her beck and call, a six figure shopping allowance every week? What else can a woman ask for? Now she is threatening to file for divorce? Papa A is perplexed!
Then there is Papa B. From boyhood he has been the shy one. His friends teased him for his timidity and the few girls he garnered courage to approach, answered with an emphatic no. His school days went on pretty dull and uneventfully. He graduated and landed a job in a bank. After observing his unattached status for two straight years, a colleague hooked him up with the friend of his girlfriend.
Papa B, stuck to the relationship, even when he knew that his new girlfriend was seeing someone else, his patience payed off after several months when his girlfriend came crying and confessing to him about her infidelity, promising to turn a new leaf and stay loyal to Papa B. True to his nature, he forgave her and assured her of his undying love.
The next year they got married. Three years later and two kids after. Through dint of hardwork, Papa B got promoted to Branch Manager at the Head quarters of the bank. He now finally felt his life and all the painful jigsaw Puzzles of his past finally making a meaning. He sincerely felt he was a lucky fellow with a lot to thank God for. That was until he came back home very early one fateful day and caught his beloved wife in bed with his Neighbour!
Now tell me, between Papa A and Papa B, who is 'cool'? Whom amongst the two has got it going on? Who would you rather be?

'YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER OF THE CHILD!'

What would you do if your dear better half. Suddenly tells you that the child that called you PAPA, the child that you have sheltered, protected, paid his/her school fees ;is not your biological son/daughter ? What will be your reaction?
It is often said and rightly so, that only a woman can tell who is really the father of her child - well not exactly true - science pundits will say. DNA, No doubt, Offers a window for bewildered Papas who want a second opinion. Things will fall apart in any family shaken by a tsunami of a 'confession' like that . Most Papas I know would go through several phases as they try to grapple with the situation. Let's call it the biblical 'Joseph syndrome' . These reactions could range from disbelief to rage then self blame.
I am sure that was how biblical Joseph felt when he was informed that his betrothed Mary was with child. I know many Papas will send the woman parking along with her child in a blink of an eye . But wait a minute, I think there are other perspectives that Papas should consider. What happens to the child that calls you PAPA? Why should any child be made to suffer for a crime he/she knows nothing about?
I think as long as no long lost wannabe Papa has come forward with a claim to the child in question and even if he gathers the balls to come forward, he better come with concrete evidence and a convincing story for abdicating his responsibilities for years, there is no reason why you should not 'adopt' the child.( That is even if DNA results confirm what the wife said.) I believe the man who laboured all these years deserves a chance to reap from his labour dont you agree?
Then there is also the womans mental state to be considered. Maybe before any Papa jumps to a conclusion, there is a need to check her into a Phychiatric hospital to have her sanity ascertained. It is not out of place for people with mental disorder to make serious statements. A good example is the confession of being a witch or wizard by people who were later discovered to be mentally challenged.
What I am getting at in a nutshell is that Papas should handle cases like this intelligently and with a lot of wisdom. I am not downplaying the fact that such happenings are complex. I would rather have the cup pass me by than have to face such a daunting event that can put the best Papa's sense of restraint and wisdom to the test. Nonetheless, a word of advice to the Papa in that situation, 'you are not the first'. And there is nothing we can not get over, no matter how painful.

BORROWING TO CELEBRATE.

Something caught my attention and I felt like sharing it on Papadom today, some ill informed Papas are into the habit of borrowing heavily in order to celebrate a holiday or anniversary. This is wrong and on Papadom we condemn this action in its entirety. 'he who goes a borrowing goes a sorrowing', who doesn't know that? So why borrow just for a celebration?
I can understand borrowing money in order to meet a medical need in the family or to buy food, clothing and other necessities, but borrowing in order to celebrate, is something I just can't seem to stomach. The problem here is some of us want to impress the world or the spouse to the detriment of the family because unnecessary borrowing will tell on the family especially when the strain of paying back starts to tell;thus affecting the wellbeing and happiness of the whole family.
A Papa worth his salt will cut his coat according to his clothe as they rightly say. There is no point living above your means. You will eventually realize that you have decieved no one but yourself. The best thing to do is to plan and budget for upcoming events that you think are absolutely necessary. With meticulous planning, one can save towards a target and most certainly that which is desired can be attained.
Another thing is papas should be wary of falling into the trap of trying to keep up or worse still compete with friends who seem to be doing better. 'All fingers are not equal'. You know that, modesty is a virtue and every Papa should know that humility is a precious gift The essential thing in every home is love and you certainly don't need to go cap in hand begging or borrowing to give it and receive it in your home.
Another thing to consider is the fact that expensive parties, celebrations and vacations don't necessarily translate to a happy home, no matter how wonderful they may be. So  dear Papa, who told you that you must spend the fortune that you don't have in order to make a great home? In times of plenty there is nothing wrong with occasional treats for the family even though I will always recommend doing it modestly.
In the same vein, when the finances are not there for a lavish celebration, resist the temptation to borrow even if its from the missus. Stand your ground and insist on doing the right thing. Let the entire members of your family realize that borrowing does nothing but impoverish the family. And an impoverished family, try as it may, can never be a happy family.

Oh! Those poor Malawian girls!

stumbled on a story yesterday in the evening whilst browsing on the Internet, preparing for our Monday radio talkshow 'top of the day'. A certain Chief in the South African country known as Malawi was reported to have annulled the marriage of some three hundred and thirty girls who had been given away into marriage as adolescents.
The story pricked me into thinking, where were the poor girls father's when they were being packaged as would be brides to go warm the beds of men old enough to be their father's even some times grand fathers ? I wondered what would make a father agree to this modern day slavery? Money, culture, tradition or religion?
What ever it is, methinks, the girl child in Africa, is the victim in this whole situation. Well I threw the question open during the program and I got some interesting response. Two fellows said they were all for marriage of adolescents because as they put it, 'teenage pregnancy will be reduced'. The rational behind this belief lies in the tradition in many African societies where it was considered a shame to the family if their daughter gets pregnant out of wedlock so the best panacea to that embarrassing possibility is to marry off the girl as soon as possible.
Another offshoot of that mind set is the reason why female genital mutilation is practised, 'cut off the most sensitive part of the girls sexuality and she won't be interested in men or sex'. And so the act goes on in many African communities desperately severing female flesh putting them at risk of all manner of infections whilst purportedly saving the girl child from herself.
The phone calls kept coming and almost when I was wondering if no one would Speak for the victims, I got a call from a lady who was point blank in her position on the issue 'the State should not allow such marriages take place in the first place not to mention annulling them' was her opinion. Allowing the marriage to happen in the first place will expose the girl child to so many dangers she posited.
The barrage of calls that ensued after wards all echoed her position with some even proposing stiff penalties for perpetrators. Well, what can I say? All we can do as Broadcasters is to bring such issues to the front burner and hopefully appeal to the collective conscience of the society and the Authorities towards taking a proactive step in bringing this embarrassing reality to antiquity.
As a father I can not fathom how I can bring myself to agree to my precious Daughter being subjected to this ordeal. I ask again where were the papa's of the three hundred and thirty Malawian girls?

TEENS AND DRUGS AND STUFF AND A PAPA WHO KNOWS WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM.

Teenagers by nature love to experiment. I remember when I was one myself, we tried everything from courting girls just to see who will get the girl 's nod first, to kissing, to drinking alcohol to stupor, to smoking cheap cigarettes, driving the old man or old woman' s car, to sex, to going to parties without permission, I tell you we did it all.
The good thing is, many of us saw these things we did for what they really were experiments. So we naturally abandoned them and got on with our lives. Unfortunately not all of us saw things the way we did, I guess it is only normal since no two people or more can actually see things the same way all the time. Well , those who held on to the teenage stuff either dropped out of school, became social misfits (at least amongst us), or simply kicked the bucket.
You may be wondering where I am getting at. I am communicating here to our teens not as some holier than thou, monk. But as a fully compliant Papa who is not afraid to say to the teens of today. 'yes I know where you are coming from - I have been there. Today, I am the first to admit that the temptation teens are exposed to are more daunting than our days. We didn't have phonography in the palm of our hands in the form of smartphones.
Nonetheless, my message to our teenagers reading this post is, there is more to life than the deceptive high of that cough syrup or that narcotic. Face your studies, graduate, get something doing, earn a living. Then and only then will you start enjoying the real high of fulfilment and achiement. You will surely live to a respectful age in life and I assure you many other things will come your way most naturally. Who knows, then you will find your self posting your advice to the teens of your time like I just did. Now is that cool or what?
I know it's difficult quiting especially when you have been taking that stuff for so long. Well impossible is a word in the dictionary but you can decide to erase it from your life. Nothing is impossible my dear friend. First I will recommend your leaving your bad friends behind if they won't join you to move to the next level - the best level. I tell you, many years later you will realize that you made the right choice. In fact a lonely life is better than hanging out with the wrong bunch
The next thing I will advise is for you to seek professional help. It could be in the form of a counsellor or a Doctor or a clergyman, it could also be an understanding Papa. Submit your self to wise tutelage and you will be squicky clean and ready for the world. I say amen to that.

LIVING WITH THE WIFE AND LANDLADY

If you live in your wify's house, this is for you. First of all on behalf of all Papas permit me to say 'be strong and hold on.' I say this because in societies such as ours, like here in good old Nigeria, where the Man is expected to be the all in all in the family, living under a roof built by your wife, is seen as a misnomer and you will most certainly be the the topic of gossips and the favourite item that jokes will be made of in your community.
No one wants to know why a Man will accept to live in his wife's house. We all know that today work is increasingly hard to come by and more often than not the women get employed faster than the Men especially in the blue and white collar job market. The wife could also inherit land and property from her old Man. Today, there are one hundred and one reasons why you will find a full grown Man living in his wife's house.
Ordinarily, who owns what should not elicit controversy especially when the union is based on true love. Sounds good right? Except the fact that some times a happy marriage may not survive only on the foundation of 'true love'. Other variables come to play especially in the eyes of the extended family which can upstage the strongest of relationship based on 'love'.
'Who pays the bills' for instance, could determine how the world out side will perceive the hierarchy in your home. Our society believes rightly or wrongly, that power lies in the hands of the individual with the money. Even the domestic staff in the home owned by the Madame will pledge their allegiance not to you the man of the house but on the one that pays their salaries and therefore determines their livelihood. So get ready to be scorned even if its in secret because they know you, (like them) can be fired and kicked out of the house.
Alright let's look at it from another perspective, some women can be so insecure in relationships and we all know that, that is the corner stone of a highly suspicious lady. If you are unlucky to be in a relationship where your other half as they say is always in need of reassurance, and the house is hers? I tell you many men will rather walk on hot coal and sleep in a bed of arrows than endure a second in that kind of scenario.
And then your good old friends. How will they take it? What will they say? What if she thinks your best Pal someone you practically grew up with is a bad influence on you and she tells you, no, orders you, is more like it, not to wellcome him in the house. What will you do? Would you risk disobeying your landlady?
Living in your wife's house from the above mentioned scenarios is certainly not something for the faint hearted. My advice is if you are sure you are not brave enough to take the barrage of insults and derision from all and sundry including your friends. Then go for the less grandiose option of renting or building your own house, and cultivate the humility of sleeping under your own roof in a house that your kids will look up to you and no one else.

PAPADOM'S VIEW ON HOW TO CURB SOCIAL VICES AMONGST TEENAGERS AND THE ROLE OF PAPAS

Gone are the days when teenage girls were told that they will get pregnant if they allow a man touch them, some are even warned that the same will happen if they even talk to strange men. Three or four decades ago, Parents gave their daughters away in marriage with very little said about the topic 'sex'. In Africa and many developing countries,fathers simply had no vocabulary to even attempt a conversation with their children about sex.
However, time and time again, we are reminded that not talking about it is more expensive and dangerous than  the few initial blushes that fathers may go through trying to educate their children about the topic. Itis more expensive ignoring to teach sex education because what we as fathers fail to tell our kids- their peers will readily fill in the blank spaces with wrong information. TV and movies will provide them with exaggerated renditions of the act and of course the King of them all, the Internet will crown it all up.
Every father worth his salt today, aught to know that teaching the kids about their sexual physiology and how to cope with the changes of becoming an adult is the surest way of preventing early pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases which may be terminal in some cases.
It may also not be a bad idea for primary and secondary schools to introduce sex education in the school curriculum. Traditional institutions and religious organizations may constitute a  major stumbling block to the actualization of this ideal but who can blame them considering our conservative past and the hush hush treatment sexuality is given in our society. I however believe that advocacy and unrelenting persuasion will carry the day in the end.
We certainly can't get a different result by doing the same thing over and over again. We must chart a different path for our children as responsible fathers and the way to do this is through simple tet a tet talks about sex education to our young boys and girls. We should also be as honest as possible. They most be told what to do and the consequences of toying with their bodies through careless or unprotected sex.
The human mind is naturally curious. We tend to be attracted to things forbidden or kept secret from us. That is why most of us were obsessed with discovering 'sex' in our formative years let's spare our children that ordeal. Demystify sex to our kids through sex education and we will see a drop in sex related social vices in our homes and our communities. That is the way to go papa.

ARE YOU AN ABSENTEE PAPA? READ THIS!

Many fathers are guilty of this. I am talking about being absent almost all the time. Yes we have a career to pursue and yes we have to work and earn a living and in turn fulfil our primary role of 'provider to our families. Money certainly does not grow on trees and all that. I know all about it. The good old excuse we often peddle to excuse our absenteeism from being what we aught to be fathers.
This is a difficult topic to discuss because, let's face it, we are all guilty of this in varying degrees. Many of us are so busy, so busy that we hardly see our kids grow before our eyes. Some of us have perfected the art of being the first to leave for work sometimes even before the kids are up from bed and the last to come back home, way past the kids bedtime.
We are reliable and effective everywhere else but our homes. We are time conscious and will rather loose an arm than fail to attend that board room meeting or worse still arrive late. Yet we create a thousand and one reasons why we can't make it to the kids PTA. Isn't that sad?
We do all in our power to court the friendship of that all important client with a big bank account, we make our selves conspicuous at the clients Polo tournament. Attend his social functions, donate at that fund raiser. Sit through obviously boring functions and applaud for no sane reason. Unfortunately the kids birthday Comes up and we have to be reminded or else...
No wonder, we are loosing relevance in the eyes of the ones we claim to love so much, our family. I wonder how many kids will still point to us if they are asked to say who their hero is. Dysfunctional homes abound because we seem to have our priorities upside down.
If you are reading this and your family is still coping with this kind of crap from you, then this should be a wake up call to you dear papa. The solution is not far fetched, creat a balance. After all the people you are working your butt off for deserve your presence too. Learn to delegate responsibility you have to so that you can spend some quality time with the family.
When last did you take the family on a vacation? Yes things may be hard but you can save and plan towards it and when you do just that, you will see how beneficial it is to you first and the good old family. Papas let's check our selves before we wreck our selves.

THE RISING CASE OF RAPE OF CHILDREN AND WHAT EVERY FATHER AUGHT TO KNOW.

For fathers, the rising case of rape of minors is to say the least, most worrisome. Why would any one want to violate the pristine inoccence of a child through rape? This is a thought that kept on lingering in my mind as I sought the view of my friend, Dennis. He is a good father and founder of an NGO for children.
I desired to understand the reason for the rise in this devilish act, what measures fathers should take to protect their little ones against would be child rapists and any other 'need to know' information that any concerned parent should know.
Gladly, Dennis was very receptive and as concerned about the rising menace of rape affecting minors in Nigeria and indeed other parts of the world.
'You will be shocked to know that the perpetrators are people around the child 'Dennis quipped.' yes. That Uncle, the Neighbour next door, the school teacher, nanny or cousin '. How could that be? was my countenance and disposition.
Dennis went on to explain to me that figures have shown that perpetrators of the dastardly act have been proven to be people parents allow near the child either because they are family or friends.
That makes it even more tricky I thought. I wonder how I as a father can possibly prevent my kid from a member of my family or friends. So what can a father do? Dennis, explains that first of all, fathers should make their kid aware of his or her body.
'Rape, starts from the mind 'he explained. Fathers should teach their kids to quickly wear their clothes after a bath or after a visit to the toilet. It may seem harmless allowing kids to run around the house naked, but humans are unpredictable. You never can tell what effect the child 's nakedness is having inside the warped mind of the potential rapist.
' communication is also key 'Dennis stressed.' fathers should learn to leave an open line of communication with their children 'he added.' that way your child will have no problem telling you what 'games' he or she played with who while you were away. '
I realized that the issue may be more complex than I initially thought, and unfortunately more widespread than reported since it is domestic and as Dennis told me, more often than not, the victims are afraid to report any abuse because perpetrators often threaten the victims with even death should they tell.
Every father aught to take this problem seriously. We can't allow the formative years of our lovely kids to be desecrated by people who can't seem to control their depraved sexual urges. I don't care whether the rapist is the man next door or family, the farthest they are from our minors the better.
I am also aware that many a father is often away from home pursuing career or money. I do understand. How ever, the reality of the danger of rape of minors and the attendant trauma, requires all fathers to learn to strike a balance.