PAPADOM'S POSITION ON WIFE BATTERY.

Wife battery is a societal problem and Papadom will not feel shy to talk about it. It is a form of domestic violence and it seems to be gaining prominence in both the so called developed and developing societies and the involvement of celebrity couples in it is not helping matters. Recall the Chris Brown and Rihanna assault saga for instance. Experts say it originates because of a craving by the perpetrator to control the victim.
This is not to say that only the male specie of humanity hold the monopoly of this kind of violence no way. Nowadays it is not uncommon for a lady to beat a man black and blue. The only difference is the case of the man as victim is grossly underreported for obvious reasons. Nonetheless, battery is battery and Papadom condemns it in its entirety. Papadom believes battery actually reduces a man rather than increase him in any way.
It is like the Headmasters in primary schools across Nigeria in the good old days often say, 'you want to show us that you are strong? Why take on a girl? If you want to display your fighting prowess, go take on a man your size or your mate'. Some men(notice such men are not referred to as Papas?) like to take out their frustrations either at work or in life out on their often dutiful and loving wives. What a shame.
More shameful is the way and manner police stations across some countries including Nigeria, brush aside reported cases of wife battery. The officers often incourage the couple to go home and settle their issues at home. Unfortunately this kind of neglect has led to the untimely death of one too many battered victim.
Papadom believes in stiffer penalties all over the world for perpetrators and a concerted effort from the legislative arm of governance in enacting and ensuring the enforcement of laws making battery unattractive to the animals amongst us who would rather talk with their fists than engage in the civilized option of resolving conflicts through jaw jawing.

SHOULD I ALLOW HER GET A HIGHER EDUCATION?

'What is she going to do with a higher education anyway?' blurted laz, 'I give her every thing, its not as if she desperately needs a job to make ends meet?' laz by the way is a young man I just met in the pub about an hour ago. After exchanging pleasantries and a couple of drinks I think I succeeded in earning his confidence, enough to warrant this admition of spousal conflict.
'So what do you have against her desire to pursue a higher education? 'I enquired. Laz seemed like a reasonable Guy, I wanted to see his point of view Ernestly.' I just don't want my wife to end up at the mercy of some randy lecturer '. I suddenly knew what laz was worried about. It is obvious that in spite of his comfortable status financially, he seemed to be struggling with marital insecurity.' I see 'was what came out of my mouth as I pondered on how to give this troubled soul some good advice (ill prepared as I was, for crying out loud I came here to take a couple of drinks - not for a counselling session?'
'But you know you won't have any iota of peace in your home if you don't allow her to go right? 'I said. Suddenly, laz's countenance brightened,' how did you know that? 'he snapped,' I have had no rest since this going to the University issue started' he added, 'Well if I were you, I will do the wise thing and let her go for her education' I stated point blank. 'Well okay' Laz started unconvinced, 'what about the randy lecturers?' he enquired.
'Are you praying for that to happen? 'I asked him,' certainly not, I love my wife 'laz stressed.' That is very obvious my friend but I think you ought to trust your wife - do you trust your wife? 'I asked,' trust? Of course I trust her.  'he started again, something told me he had not quite finished his answer, so I kept still.' I trust and love her, but you know women, you never can tell with them. '
I noded my head more out of sympathy than agreement and took a sip of my beverage.' Mr Laz', I started, your wife does not need to get it going on with some randy academic only when she gets admitted in the University, she can do it right now if she wants to. 'I stated matter of factly.
We talked for a while after then and laz insisted on paying for my drink. Naturally, I was grateful for his gesture but I was more thankful that I was at the right place at the right time, because from his gait I knew that my friend Laz, is now a happier Man who knows the right decision to make today.
I hope Papas who might be going through similar challenges in marriage will give this a thought. I personally believe a woman should be allowed to get any kind of education she desires. It will not only make her a more informed wife and mother, but also ensure the family does not suffer should the husband and bread winner - like in Laz's case, suddenly die . Let's do the intelligent thing.

ODD CHOICES SOME PAPAS MAKE.

p dir="ltr">There are times when Papas give more attention to inanimate objects in the house and this justifiably annoys other members of the house. Their grouse is usually based on the premise that they aught to get the attention not some inanimate thing. Take a brand new car just bought by Papa after months some times years of savings. We Papas tend to give that dream car our unalloyed attention and who wouldn't?
Unfortunately that innocent stance, often puts Papa on a collision course with others especially the woman of the house. I wonder how a mere washing of the car like twice or thrice a day should solicit animosity. We like keeping our toys spotless. And yes other necessities in the house can take second place to the periodic servicing of the automobile. Papas regard that as money well spent. Don't blame us try to understand us.
Another point in case is when the money budgeted for domestic expenditure is fast running out and the car is about to run out of fuel. Papas wonder why others fail to understand why we would rather for go some essentials and fuel the car. We know it sounds painful but sometimes the car ranks higher than the woman in the house. Again, don't blame us try to understand us we just love our toys.
What about times when the car develops a mechanical or electric fault? Others in the house get astounded when we loose sleep over a 'mere' car and will leave no stone unturned until our beloved toy is certified fit and motorable by our mechanic and oh how we celebrate her return back to the household more like a beloved child returning back home after a long journey. And the woman goes 'all that for a car? Well what can Papas say? Don't blame us, try to understand us. Our brand new car means a lot to us and and yes, we are not ashamed to declare - some times the car ranks higher than the woman.
If we get involved in an accident and we escape fairly unhurt, the rest of the world maybe be thankful that no life was lost. But when we meet in our Papas forum ;the first question you should expect is 'how is the car?' and when the report is not so good, we all mourn the car like a person. Don't blame us try to understand us, some times the car ranks higher than the woman.
We could spend hours on end talking about our cars ;we like to compare the model and its year of manufacture. How fast it can go could be a serious subject of debate and might even lead to an impromptu race and a bet where serious money could be won or lost, you better believe that . We compare automobile companies and their reputations. We rejoice when we succeed in convincing a Papa to sell off his car and join our chosen brand. We keep tabs on the current news and trends in the automotive industry. What can we say, we just love our cars I am sure you are beginning to see why some times our car ranks higher than the woman. Don't blame us, try to understand us.

WHEN IT'S TIME TO LET THE CHILD CHOSE.

Deep down every Papa wants his kids to emulate him and eventually inherit the family business or trade. Its like in the not so distant past, a fisherman expects his children to be fishermen and continue the family business and tradition. Same applies if the Papa is a carpenter, teacher or farmer. I guess we can trace this desire to a Papas desire to bequeath a legacy to his progenitors and by so doing ensure their financial sure footedness. After all the business they are passing on is what sustained the family, its all he knows.
Papas resist the idea of their children delving into other means of livelihood because, let's face it, Papas know hardly any thing about the 'strange' job their young one is delving into and to them, that is not right at all or is it? What parting words of advice on the job for instance is a fisherman Papa expected to offer to a child about to become an architect? Got my drift?
However, it doesn't have to be this bad to a Papa who is ready to move with the times. That kind of Papa appreciates the fact that the job market is always evolving and there are certain vocations that are appreciated today as legitimate ;that simply did not exist forty years ago. Blogging for instance. Papas who are interested in the happiness of their children do not or should I say, would not, subject them to the impractical gridlock of insisting they stay true to the family profession against their wish.
Children should also not take this new found freedom for granted. They should pursue their passion with a passion. Jumping from this job to that job will only make the recalcitrant Papa stuck in the old way only say 'I told you so'. Young people planning to chart their own way in life need to do their own research. If they want to go into a brand new area as Enterprenuers, they should figure out how they can make a living doing it. There is no glory and plenty of shame if they have to go running back to good old Papa from time to time, for handouts.
Therefore in this fast changing world, both papa and offspring, need to embrace change. A career choice should remain a choice but in making choices, this generation must as they say, look before they leap.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR CHILDREN ARE?

'DO you know where your children are?' This is a phrase made popular by Frank Olize a TV presenter on Nigeria's state TV station NTA in the nineties. This phrase I can argue is as potent and relevant in our society today as it was in the nineties. Inspite of the advancements in communication ;I mean we have it all today - email, social media, phone calls and even teleconferencing, in spite of all the communication gadgets at our disposal, the question still stares us Papas in the face - do we know where our children are? Do we have any idea what they are up to this moment?
The unfortunate truth is that we have surrendered the role of checking up on our children to surrogates. Some of us work so hard to send our children to expensive boarding institutions and that is it. Money can't buy love it is said, what is more true is the fact that money can't buy good parenting either.
We are conspicuously not there when they need us most. We are always too busy chasing money to realize the importance of sparing some time for our beloved kids. Our women aren't any better either. For most women ;independence, career, and self fulfilment resonate more than monitoring 'just children' how unfortunate.
This missing link must be responsible for the social ills that is eating up the innocence of our young ones. A clear example is the cancer of secret cults in our schools. It is said that nature abhors a vacuum, because we have abdicated our roles as role models and protectors of family values, our kids have replaced us with the false sense of family and security that their peers in cult groups offer.
Related to that is of course, the rising cases of youth violence, criminality and rape. And when the bubble finally bursts and we get summoned to the police station for a crime our child has committed or sadly, to the morgue to retrieve our child's remains, we more often than not blame it on just about everyone but ourselves.
See how a simple task of knowing where our children are can determine whether they have there names written in the hall of fame or hall of shame? We should remember that in the end we all as Papas will be called upon to give an account of the role we played in either making or marring the lives of the kids entrusted to us. Every Papa worth his salt should like to emerge squeaky clean. Let's think about it.

SPORTS RANKS HIGHER THAN THE WOMAN?

Sports is regarded as a game right? Well that is not exactly the case if you happen to be a sports loving Papa. For any sports loving Papa, sports is more than a game that is played leisurely, certainly not.
As far as sports loving Papas are concerned, sports is a drug a strong drug. It's actually an opium. Karl Max, another great Papa of blessed memory almost got it when he described religion as the opium of the masses.
In today's world, if Papa Karl Max where alive, he would have quickly identified sports as the opium of atleast all sports loving Papas. The appreciation of this fact by other members of the house is definitely the beginning of wisdom. Other members of the household, especially attention craving ones like the woman of the house ought to give sports it's desired respect. This is because some times sports ranks higher than the woman.
Enough research in my candid opinion, needs to be carried out as to why this phenomenon of valueing sports ahead of the woman persists amongst sports loving Papas. Could it be in the fact that sports doesn't nagg? I really don't know. Or could it be because matches are almost always right on schedule, plus several repeats on cable TV not to mention the telecast of highlights on several major news channels? No one can point a finger at the magic formula of sports but while we keep brooding about it, I just can't help but wonder if a woman can equal the weekly pleasure sports guarantees?
Now it doesn't matter if its the Barclay's premier league, the German Bundesliga, the Italian or Spanish la liga. It matters not if its ice hockey, wrestlemania, NBA, Wimbledon, NFL, Golf Masters, WBA or any other sporting event. The fact is that its got a hold on sports loving Papas so much so that it is now no more than an open secret, some Papas really rank sports higher than the woman. Women in that situation know too well that talking to Papa about domestic matters while he is watching his favourite game is as effective as winking in the dark.
I have heard stories of sports loving Papas who did crazy things like throw the woman down a story building or even commit murder because the ill advised woman tried to come between him and his game. That is definitely taking it to the extreme but this only confirms the fact that some times sports ranks higher than the woman.

MENTAL HEALTH AND PAPADOM TODAY

I am not sure of the exact figure but I think it is either one out of every five or six individuals have mental disorder. A medical practitioner I was speaking to the other day told me that mental disorder does not necessarily boil down to being raving mad and picking things at random on the streets. I got to understand that in today's stress rich world of ours, we all especially Papas need periodic checks of our mental state.
Little wonder, the strange things we hear of every now and then. Rape of Minors for one. Only an individual with mental illness will think of laying his hands to violate a baby. But that is not all, reckless driving in residential areas could also be a manifestation of mental ill health. I have always wondered what will make a Papa drive at speeds that only Lewis Hamilton or Sebastian Vettel muster in formula one - in a high density neighbourhood ;my suspicion has been confirmed.
Don't breath easy yet Papa, it might be too early to conclude that you are off the hook on this matter. Do you know that lack of sleep is another indicator of mental illness? How many times have Papas divulged to me the fact that they can't seem to be able to grab a decent snooze even after a hard days work? I know we recommend several remedies to each other as a way out of sleeplessness but hey, if you have tried it all and you still struggle to get a decent shut eye, then dear Papa, its time to visit a psychiatric doctor.
Kleptomania is another symptom. My medical practitioner friend explained to me. Yes the inexplicable penchant to steal and steal and steal! I figured that explains the action of many political leaders especially in developing countries in recent times. Only a Kleptomaniac will help himself to his nations resources to the extent that he will soon be richer than his nation. Crazy isn't it?
There are many other symptoms of mental illness, depression is one then there is the condition where the individual is very happy this minute then extremely sad the next minute my medical practitioner friend says its called bi polar disorder. Paranoia, which is a state of mind that thinks everyone or everything is against one is yet another . The bottom line here is, we all especially Papas should take our mental health seriously and yes, it pays to get that periodic mental examination.

WHEN THE DRINK RANKS HIGHER THAN THE WOMAN?

What is in a drink? A lot really. For starters only a good drink can assuage thirst. No wonder in many cultures the first thing giving to a guest is a cold drink. You might take this cultural gesture for granted but ask a nomad living in the desert, you will see that a drink is actually a lease of life. Okay, I believe we have established the fact that a drink is vital to our existence and part of our cultural heritage. Let's get to the nitty - gritty.
Papadom went to a pub recently and got some disturbing revelations from some Papas who were enjoying their drinks. First of all the fact should be made here and now that this was no teetotellars pub every one was indulging in one alcoholic drink or the other, it was either beer, brandy, whisky or wine. It was a merry atmosphere until a Papa that we initially thought had had a drink too much declared 'my drink is more loyal than my woman I tell you', just as we were letting it all soak in, another Papa retorted 'you are spot- on on that Pal,' he started, 'my drink is always there for me, she never nags', that statement elicited a unanimous head nodd across the pub. 'my drink never tells me no, no headaches or fever and most importantly, I can open her up when ever I need to'.
To our utmost surprise that weird piece of oratory got a round of applause and several glasses clinked in unison. Does that imply that some Papas really rate there drinks higher than their women, we thought? Or was it that the booze got the better of them? Papadom is as bewildered today as it was that merry day.

The shameful trade in Albinos and hunchbacks.

I am of the position that Papas world wide should stand up and condemn the utter senselessness that is going on in Africa today. I am referring to the crazy practice of hunting and killing or maiming innocent albinos in the name of a so called quest to acquire riches or power. My heart goes to the poor hapless Papas of albinos especially in parts of Africa like Tanzania. It is hard enough to cater for kids with albinism now they have to add that to watching their backs all the time in case, those cold blooded murderers are lurking in a thicket behind.
Good news coming from Tanzania says the government has started arresting the traditional medicine men who are the source of the madness in the first place. I think a law should be promulgated stipulating that anyone caught in the act of trading directly or indirectly in the body parts of any other human being ;albino or not should be given the death penalty. I think only a stiff penalty will be a deterrent to get rich or power quick, individuals.
Tanzania is not the only country grappling with this problem, Nigeria has had her own share of these death merchants. Recently there was an outcry by concerned citizens about the fact that hunchbacked people were being hunted and killed. Just like the Tanzanian case, it was all started by some witch doctor who told his gullible clientèle that in the hunchback lies great riches and power. What balderdash!
Several years ago a man called Clifford Orji was caught with a bag full of human body parts, he was paraded to the press and you can imagine how the Nigerian public received it, disbelief mixed with fear and outrage is how I will describe it. However trust the Media after a few weeks, attention turned to something else and that was all I can recall about Clifford Orji, was he prosecuted? I don't know.
African governments, NGOs, civil society organizations and religious organizations should wake up from their slumber and educate the gullible public about the vanity of wealth secured through any other means other than hard work and honesty. That is the only way our albino sons and daughters and indeed their hunchbacked peers can be guaranteed a decent life expectancy. To their Papas we say don't give up-like smallpox ;this tragedy will be a thing of the past one day soon.

Gardening and Papadom.

If I had the power, I will make gardening compulsory for every Papa. I say this because of the immense benefits of gardening both to the individual and to the society as a whole. No one should give any excuse for not getting in to it, I know that the common excuse is that of space well that is no more tenable, I have seen documentaries of people living in concrete jungles, I mean folks living in urban areas with little or no arable space somehow overcoming that disadvantage through creativity and today they are reaping the fruits literally of their gardens.
I was particularly impressed with the story of the Papa living in a high rise building in Beijing, who created a beautiful garden at the top of the high rise building and actually invites his neighbours over from time to time to cook and eat collectively from the bounty of his garden. That is one fulfilled Papa if you ask me. You get a sense of fulfilment when you put a seed in the soil and water it and see that seed sprout into a young seedling. Then as you keep tending it flowers and fruits emerge! I tell you it does a lot of good to the psyche of any Papa.
This is more true if you happen to lead a sedentary life style, where very little physical activity is done. Gardening can be a very good source of exercise, enjoy the thrills of getting your hands dirty again, just like a kid does and eat the vegetables from your backyard. That way you know where your groceries are from, that way you know you are eating organic healthy stuff. Good old gardening can do that for you.
What's more, today you can grow your vegetables in bags, plastic containers and even old discarded tyers. Gardening adds to the aesthetics of your home. Your guests will commend you not only for going green and making the planet a little more healthy and safe, you will also be amazed at the compliments you get for being 'cultured'.
On the whole it just feels good when you step into your green fruit rich garden and take a deep clean breath of pure oxygen you have created. Oh! What a wonderful feeling.
If you don't have a garden, I tell you, you are missing out of a great opportunity to have fun at home. It could also be useful for bonding within the family.
When the wify and kids join in the gardening, new experiences of family bliss is shared and just like the best things in life? This is also free. Do yourself a some good grab the rewards of gardening today while you still can.