Are you a fan? Check out these landmines and suggestions on how to prevent loss of limbs and yes, lives.
Sorry to disappoint you.
I'm not going to bad-mouth blood or rituals in Nigerian and Ghanaian movies.
I think blood is cool. Rituals too.
Have you watched 'Eyes Wide Shut'?
Not too long ago, I wished I could grow spiky canines every half-moon ready to quench my thirst with something a little bit thicker than water, a little bit salty and rich in iron.
Another wish is to have a blond in the house flaunting her tender neck and blue arteries. Then when the wolves do their thing and the bats lodged in the attic get excited, that will be my cue to dig in.
Gone with the wind.
But beyond the bloodletting, blood-sucking, and blood on the dance floor after several rounds of Bloody Mary, let's sober up and take a look at the knock-knees of Nigerian and Ghanaian movies.
So, yes.
Let's skip blood, shall we?
And please don't flash data at me.
The industry is growing. I hear that all the time. Yes. It's growing. Growing like
an economic tree or cancer?
" People create stories create people, or rather stories create people create stories."
Chinua Achebe.
I think Nigerian movie producers and their Ghanaian counterparts should hang this Chinua Achebe quote in their offices.
They really should.
The rickets of Nigerian and Ghanaian movies is the dangerous reputation it has of misinforming gullible youths.
And the outcome is the horror more frightening than severing the head of a live chicken.
' to appease the gods '.
I see it In the drowned dreams and bodies of young Africans floating or in plastic bags choked trying to cross a perilous ocean into Europe.
Regularly.
The rising cases of rape,
drug addiction, prostitution, teenage pregnancy, crime,
dressing that shows more than it conceals,
seeing nothing to respect in gray hairs and electronic fraud may well be added to the list.
After reading to this point, and you still believe I am exaggerating or poke nosing, then heed my warning. Don't be an ill-advised one whose smelly feet are being carefully chewed by the mischief of mice and he/she mistakes their activity for the caress of a lover. Wait until they draw blood.
Damn It, I have mentioned blood again.
Behold the avoidable, landmines In Nigerian and Ghanaian movies:
1. Back from USA/ Europe Equals- getting stinking rich.
Remember that never-dying scene of a character coming back from Europe/America and the fellow is suddenly shitting Dollars, Euros, and Pounds?
The message it sends out to every young man /woman in sub-Saharan Africa is that the only way to be wealthy, Is to travel to the USA or Europe.
RESULT :
More and more floating dead dreams in the waters of 'stories' - bad 'stories'.
I have read about the richest man in Africa, Aliko Dangote. There's nowhere that indicated that he lived as an immigrant in Europe or the USA before he became rich?
Nope.
What's wrong with a story about people like that?
What is wrong with a narrative showing how one can make it anywhere in the world just by taking advantage of opportunities?
2. The glorification of rural to urban migration.
Viewers have been forced to drink the palm- wine of falsehood which says the people in villages are losers.
Why are villages pictured as abandoned, lying waste, poverty-stricken, and populated by drunks, gossips, and dependents waiting for handouts? While the cities are
bustling and prosperous, full of opportunities?
Wait!
Opportunities? Okay, If you mean full-blown commercial sex work, I would agree.☑️If you mean opportunities to belong to Cults and Gangs, I will agree ☑️ If you mean a lifetime of pimping I will agree☑️
Opportunities to be jobless and homeless and find accommodation under bridges? I agree ☑️
Several years ago, the Nigerian Television Authority, created a drama serial known as the 'Cock Crow At Dawn.' It was a simple story of a man who relocated to the village to start a farming business.
And millions of Nigerians loved it while it lasted. I wonder why Nigerian and Ghanaian movie Producers don't see this as a low-hanging fruit?
There are many low-hanging fruits.
"Every generation must recognize and embrace the task it is peculiarly designed by history and by providence to perform."
Chinua Achebe.
I can't help quoting the Master again. Sorry.
3. Brazilian hair.
It is shameful that the rich history of African feminine beauty, and grace, that is displayed by the likes of Queen Sheba, Queen Amina, the Amazons of Dahomey, and Funmilayo Ransom Kuti. Stop here! You get my drift.
That Cache of feminine beauty to tap from has been used to wipe someone's ass and flushed down the drain.
Nigerian and Ghanaian Producers have replaced that with Brazilian hair. A poor village damsel must braid her hair. That same girl goes to the city and comes back to the village looking like a cheap whore with a tight dress and oh my god, Brazilian hair. When will these producers get over this cow dung?
Come on, come on guys. Is that beauty? What happened to our braids? What happened to all those different styles that African entrepreneurial women have exported to boutiques in the USA and Europe? Come on!
4. The Sex Scene.
Yeah, I know they say sex sells. I hope it still does. Sex scenes should only add to
the story you are telling it shouldn't be the 'it'. Unless you're producing a porn movie. Some hack producers think the formula is to bring a few popular faces and several neophytes and show them hanging on a loose story and essentially making out for half of the movie.
No! No! No!
5. Post-production.
I wonder if some Nigerian and Ghanaian producers have ever heard of the term ' the devil is in the detail.'?Post-production is as important as the other stages of production.
Yes, fella.
I have seen many Nigerian and Ghanaian movies with sloppy credits. Hey, how come your location manager has only a first name? Is he a bastard or is it just you Producer?
The Devil is in the detail!
The ones produced in indigenous languages are more annoying than mosquitoes hovering over lovers trying to enjoy a romantic evening. Misleading subtitles laced with bad English will sting you repeatedly.
Viewer discretion is advised.
6. The car scene.
Like the sex scenes, I find myself often wondering how the car driving scene helps the story. For one, a lot of time is wasted driving these cars inside the house. I have seen a movie. Where a 'rich' man was trying to negotiate his Jeep out of his house. You could see how he was carefully trying to
drive that car without brushing the car against the gate or something.
Fake! Fake! Fake!
You wouldn't drive your car that way.
7. Trash dressing.
Decency was born in Africa. Where is the trash dressing in these movies coming from? What value does it add? To the girls and women in the industry, you must insist on dressing right. Learn from the many 'conscious' African sisters in the homeland and the Diaspora who have made it in Science, ICT, Politics and the list goes on, who never dress like trash, never expose cleavages. Talent can't be traded for a boob or a bum.
No, Ma'am.
8. Location not habitation.
I am tired of seeing a duplex shown as a palace. A palace is a palace! A magnificent building. Mr. Producer, please get a Palace and all its paraphernalia if you want to shoot a palace scene.
9. Originality.
I am equally miffed that some producers of Nigerian and Ghanaian movies just can't seem to outgrow the degrading urge to produce their imitation of 'Coming to America'.
Shame.
Let me end this wailing and laments with another great quotation from the Master:
"When mother-cow is chewing grass its young ones watch its mouth."
Chinua Achebe.
